Death 4

When I wrote the first three parts on death, I focused on my near-death experiences. I briefly wondered at my reaction to these happenings and the ‘lack of fear’ when these happened. I quickly realized that as my experiences where a few seconds long, the fear that accompanied those experiences generally dissipated with the joy that consumed me when I realized I was still in the land of the living.

My first brush with real fear came when I worked in a refugee camp in South Sudan and people were dying in large numbers from a hepatitis E outbreak. It was where my nail-biting habit disappeared for good. Ok, it still appears in moments of extreme stress but the fear of consuming the virus broke my lifelong habit of finding solace chewing on the little stumps that I called fingers. After watching many people succumb to death and facing a mob go berserk when they thought their sister, daughter and child was going to die, I quickly realized that dying of hepatitis E was not an option and there were less painful ways to die than die from Hepatitis E.

Covid put the hepatitis E outbreak to shame. Death came suddenly and without warning, it took the old and the young, it took the weak and the strong. It decimated families and left children orphans, parents childless and many sick and infirm. It made me even more conscious of death.

Nobody wants to die: Ask anyone to talk about their death and you’ll be hit with a range of emotions from visibly expressed horror to stoic silence. If you are Nigerian, the phrase ‘God forbid’ might slip out before your brain even registers the questions being asked.

But everyone dies and as the days pass by, I am more aware of my own mortality. I blame all the obituary announcements that my news feed brings my way. Every day, someone old, someone young, someone rich, someone famous dies and their death is announced in glowing terms for those who seem to have died old and well and in mournful tones for the young who are projected to have departed early. My ‘God forbid’ approach has been to not click on these announcements, and to only click good news but alas, I cannot escape from the headings that seem to flash by, even if I do not read the news.

I’ve spoken to people who are well aware that they are dying, and one thing that strikes me is their insistence that they are not ready to depart, they still want to live. So, I ask myself, ‘what allure does earth hold, that even those who are deemed old and ready to go, still want to live’? Is life so sweet that the call from beyond is repeatedly ignored? Right now, not faced with the end of my mortal life, I can say ‘No’ in response to this question.

I am a Christian, so my view on the great beyond is shaped by this. I want to be ready to go when my time comes. I do not want to be tied to a hospital bed, with air forced down my lungs and IVs sticking into my skin. I do not want catheters inserted into my bladder to drain my urine. I do not want to be bound by restraints to prevent my pulling at things.

Since I was a child, I have always had the vision that I would die at home, surrounded by my family and loved ones. With no pain, like the patriarchs of old, blessing my children and saying my last words. I would reach out and clean the tears on my grandchild who can’t bear to see me depart and remind them that this is not a final goodbye but a see you later.

I know that this is only a dream and maybe God has a more glorious mode of departure which I would accept in a heartbeat; seeing people reluctant to die when it is obvious that nothing, we do can keep them here makes me even more determined that when the time comes, I will be ready to go.

Yes, I hear you say no one knows their date or time. I know that, I truly do. In preparation for my journey to the great beyond, I have started a practice of reflection.

As often as I remember, I look up to the skies and search my heart to see if there’s anything there that prevents my being able to say with certainty that I am ready. It is an exercise in patience, but one that also keeps me grounded. Do I hold a grudge in my heart that makes me unwilling to meet my creator at that moment? I try my best to let it go. Are there some tasks I keep putting off till tomorrow? My reflection makes me realize that I better get it done. Is this always effective? I’ll be the first to admit that I still entertain the notion of the ‘immortality of youth’ and I do shrug things away based on that notion and say in my heart ‘I am still young, death is still far’ and carry on as blindly as before.

But with all the deaths I have seen, I’ll be the first to admit that I do not want to leave my family behind without having my affairs wrapped up very nicely. If you still think a will is an invitation for death to come calling, I am laughing in Arabic at you. If you think that getting your estate in order and making sure your properties are transferred to your spouse and children is a waste of time, take this as a sign from God and get your affairs in order today.

Do you have a health care proxy? If you do not have one or you have one who does not know your wishes with respect to end of life care, please lend yourself a little courage and have this document filled and let your health care proxy know and other family members, what they should do if you are ever seriously ill. It would save your loved ones a lot of trouble, if your needs are expressly known.

Don’t bury your head like an ostrich in the sand. Death comes for every man and you are not an exemption unless you are Elijah or Enoch. Plan for your death as you enjoy the land of the living. In planning, do not forget to plan for the hereafter. If you do, how would you like to be remembered? How would you want your funeral service to be conducted. Spare the living the pain of trying to put things together, get things ready for them. Buy or at least save for your funeral plot unless you want to be cremated and even then, there is an expense involved. Choose your hymns, write your eulogy. Plan everything you would like to have done when you die.

The most important thing however is to plan for the hereafter. Do not be like the rich fool who lived for his stomach alone. Remember that you have been granted a life for a purpose, do not squander it or live it on your own terms. Give, give, give and give again. Love, love, love and continue to love. Forgive everyone, it is not worth holding on to a grudge. Sit down with God and ask Him what He sent you to do on earth. I’ll end with this bible verse Galatians 6:8

For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life.

Selah!