I 'no' Be Doctor!

I have heard many stories of people posing to be someone else e.g. School drop outs posing as soldiers, lawyers, people who work as drivers in blue chip companies pretending to be managing directors of the company when they have the rare fortune of having the car all to themselves and impressing silly giggling girls.

I heard a story about someone I know who pretends to be a doctor! It actually bowled me over, this man really works as a cleaner. How on earth does a cleaner pass himself off as a doctor? It beats me, the only connection this guy has to medicine is that he cleans the rooms of some doctors! Those who informed me of his deceit say if you visit his room you may actually believe that he is one. He has medical books, a ward coat and of course the ubiquitous stethoscope. He actually convinced a lady who was described as 'enito ka iwe' (someone who has been to school, probably an undergraduate) that he was a doctor, she only became wise when she stumbled across his pay cheque which indicated his true line of work.

One day the cleaner was called to see a man in his neighbourhood who had suddenly fallen ill, his response was hilarious but showed that though he liked to be called a doctor he would not be held responsible as one. He told those who had rushed to call him that he was a 'mortuary doctor' :) At least he was wise enough to deny that he was a doctor of the living, I had me a good laugh when I heard this response.

I have seen people work in hospitals not just pretending to be doctors but actually working as doctors. Some of those who act as theatre assistants actually perform surgeries in the back woods where their sins cannot be easily discovered. Where I served we had an orderly who pretended to be a doctor in the village where he lived. He treated people around him and when things became more than he could handle he whisked them to hospital and pretended that the patients where his relations. The nurses were so sick of his antics they no longer believed it when he brought in anyone. His play acting ended in disaster and unfortunately it was a 'true' member of his family who was the victim- His older brother!

His brother had been involved in a fight with someone who struck him with a machete on his head. This orderly acted the part of a nurse/doctor treating his brother at home and dressing his wounds. He did not realise that he had missed out something important- Tetanus Toxoid injection and anti serum! He brought his brother on his motorbike almost a week after the incident and I met them as they drove in. What struck me was the awkward way the patient sat on the bike he was as stiff as a board and one look at his face and I knew without a doubt that he had Tetanus he already had Rhisus Sardonicus (his face was held in a constant grimace) and he could hardly open his mouth.

My fears were confirmed when I heard the story and realised that this orderly had played the doctor and did not know to administer the preventive vaccine. His brother died a few days later after going through much pain. I don't know if that experience changed him but I doubt that it did, for these people who play the doctor don't have any inkling of the awesome responsibility doctors have. I constantly pray and do my possible best whenever I have to treat a patient. I certainly don't pretend to be able to treat something I have no idea of, I quickly pass the buck to the next in line when I have no clue. As for being an impostor I have never even thought about it.