CULTURE SHOCK II

 I first wrote about culture shock here twelve years ago when I came as a student to the US for the very first time. And even after all this time, there are still things that shock me, even when I think I have assimilated into a culture very different from the one I was brought up in.

I'll go back twelve years and then fast forward to present times. I arrived in Boston at the end of summer and thankfully got accommodation not too far from school which meant I could walk to school and did not have to commute. It also meant that I passed by people on the street every day and as a typical 'yoruba' gal greeted them with a cheery good morning. The first few times when my greeting was not acknowledged, I thought I had not greeted loud enough for me to be heard, so I changed the cadence of my voice which resulted in the exact same response- silence. It took me a while before I stopped instinctively greeting every being I passed on my way to school, but a few months later I had adopted the very attitude that had annoyed me no end- walking past people as if they did not exist.

I thought this strange ritual at not greeting was because I did not know the people I passed on the street though back home that was not an excuse. So imagine my surprise when this extended to classmates one sat in class with. I went on a school trip to India with a few classmates and spent about a month. When we got back, I remember I saw someone who had been on the trip with me and I excitedly called out a greeting. Imagine my surprise when the person looked through me and walked past. I was thrown for a loop and gave all sorts of excuses, they might have been deep in thought, they didn't see me, they must have greeted me but I did not hear etc. To be doubly or you could say triply sure, I tried this a few more times and I got the same response. It then dawned on me that this was a peculiar culture that I needed to adopt if I did not want to be repeatedly made a fool of. Imagine raising a hand in greeting and awkwardly bringing it down and pretending to wipe away imaginary cobwebs.

Fast forward to residency in NY city.  By now I was a pro at avoiding any spontaneous greetings of any sort but I still was lulled into forgetting at times that my 'yoruba greeting skills' were not needed especially with people I had interacted with. I remember a surgical resident who one night begged me to ensure that his patient got a transfusion prior to surgery the next morning and I went out of my way to get it done. The next time I saw this particular resident, they did the 'walk past and stare through' routine I had gotten used to but not really gotten used to. I am not as shocked anymore but it still surprises me that people you have interacted with, eaten meals with sometimes even visited their houses suddenly pretend you do not exist or look right through you to avoid saying hello.

Another thing I do not understand is the need to repay favors granted in good faith. Back home it was not unusual for someone to buy lunch for the whole team without any member of the team expecting that they needed to pay it back in the future. If I paid for your lunch it was just because I felt like paying for your lunch, not because I needed you to pay for my lunch 2 days ahead. So when I started work and paid for my colleagues or juniors lunches or bought them a cup of coffee I did not keep a record of moneys spent and on whom. My first inkling that people felt uncomfortable with the gesture was when a colleague bought me a cup of coffee and explained that it was because they owed me one as I had paid for something I had totally forgotten about. I was stunned and explained that I didn't drink coffee and they didn't really have to. Later on I scaled back my generosity as I realized that it made people uncomfortable to be sort of beholden to one.

This particular need to pay back was something those of us who were used to communal living were always amused by. We thought it was funny that everyone would go for lunch and start dividing the tab and splitting checks so that each person was paying 10.13 dollars at the end of the meal. One was used to one or two people saying don't worry I've got the check and everyone thanking them without feeling like anything was owed. It certainly made me very cautious offering to help or pay for things because I did not want anyone to feel uncomfortable or feel that they were indebted to me.

O well what can I say, cultures differ and the same way I think this is strange is the same way others think that things I do are strange.

What culture shocking stories do you have? 

Pray, share.