Dear Lagos Drivers,

Why does every Lagos driver (every single one) carry on a one sided conversation that involves other drivers? The conversation is usually violent, extreme, rude,  and certainly hilarious to watch especially if you occupy the passenger seat like me!

'Get out of my way',
'I will not allow you to come in front of me',
 'O de jo, e je kin bosiwaju e'- Please, let me come in front of you,
'See that mad man',
'If you brush my car, I am warning you o'.
'Oloriburuku'- 'Idiot'
'Okada, don't jam my car o'
'I will show you, you can't get away with that'
'Schiooo its even a man, I thought it was a woman'
'O je kuro lona'- 'You better move out of my way'


I look in amazement when people I know as usually docile and meek transform into violent, neck vein bursting tyrants when they get behind the wheel. The transformation is certainly more amazing than that of the incredible hulk. Meek and mild persons who switch on praise song cd's and pray all the way home intermingle their whispered prayers with diatribes better attuned to an atmosphere where rancor prevails. These conversations are interspersed with loud honks of the horn, flashing of lights and of course rough driving!
Go slow in VI!

I know Lagos roads are the most difficult to drive on. They are pot hole ridden and serve as pedestrian walkways, mini-market and passage way for vehicular traffic all in one. Trust me, I know; my attempts at driving in Lagos ended for several years when I almost took off the legs of two innocent pedestrians ; but must we shout and yell at our fellow drivers? This letter is not for 'danfo' drivers who need another letter to address their extremely dangerous and violent ways of driving. I know that no one went to driving school and virtually no one has a valid drivers licence in Lagos but shouting at your fellow drivers not only gives your passengers a headache it guarantees you a rip roaring migraine at the end of the day. For those of you with hypertension or a tendency to the same, I can imagine that your blood pressure at the end of your ride home is most certainly elevated.
This road is not in Lagos!

Driving like Tarzan and cutting mercilessly in front of someone who did the same for you moments before ends up satisfying your ego for just a few seconds. Will you remember tomorrow who cut in front of you? Most likely, you will remember since you end of up at the mechanics trying to straighten a fender bender! A few moments of being gracious, patient and ignoring the taunts of drivers with less self control and of course not tooting your horns will go a long way in ensuring your life expectancy is above average. You will get home in one piece and be able to start your home life without needing to De-stress after the long drive home.
Apart from increasing your life expectancy, you are teaching your children that the bad words you ask them not to say have no place in your vocabulary:)

Of course those of you who have drivers are spared the admonitions from the paragraphs above but I am sure if your read the report in the Daily Times here , you would feel safer driving yourself! Let it not be said that I sit in the judgement seat condemning you, I am also a Lagos driver but I am a Jeje one:)

Enjoy the ride home especially with the absence of those once ubiquitous 2 wheeled vehicles- the Okada's.

'Tomi

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